don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
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