the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
I miss vodka workout Fridays
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
Randomize
