I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
Randomize
