Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
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