Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
