You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
I forgot wine drunk hurts
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
Randomize
