no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
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