Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
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No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
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