Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
Randomize
