There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
this is amy. the small petlike person from the womens bathroom at the reef.
Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
Randomize
