as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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