I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
I think my nap took me to another dimension
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
Randomize
