Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
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