How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
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