so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
Randomize
