the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
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