at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
Randomize
