Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
