Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
Randomize
