just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
Randomize
