Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
Randomize
