I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
Randomize
