do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
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