my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
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