Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
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