He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
Can't talk, ducks in the car
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize
