she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
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