Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Randomize
