some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
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