I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
Randomize
