Ambien. No doubt about it.
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
I have so many feelings about this burrito
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
Randomize
