My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
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