My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
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