there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
