I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
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