Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
Grow some girl-balls and come out already
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
Randomize
