That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
COCAINE IS GR8
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
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