Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
When did we convert life to cartoon?
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
Randomize
