I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
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