Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize
