Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
Randomize
