i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
Randomize
