i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
Randomize