Help. Asians are flirting in front of me(773): They speak asian
Someone shit on the floor
tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
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