captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
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