Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
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