Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
Randomize
