am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
Randomize
