Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
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