FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
Tornado booty call.. dedication
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Randomize
