I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
Randomize
