She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
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