someone owes me an orgasm
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
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