Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
