we have officially lost it.
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
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