I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
Randomize
