Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
Two words: nipple clamps
Randomize
