3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
Randomize
