Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
Randomize
