Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
He had to pee in the sink beside my head because the girl that I was taking care of was passed out on the toilet. To answer your question: yes i took a peek. Thats why we hooked up later.
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
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