sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
Randomize
