Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
Randomize
