he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
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