Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
UD be completely fine. you don't lose control just keep a positive environment. for example i really want to lick the wall cause red is delicious but i don't have to.
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
Randomize
