If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
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